My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize