"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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