Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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