Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
