I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
