there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
