In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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