At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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