Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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