Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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