he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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