I'm passing your future prison.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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