This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
