That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
