Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
