i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
