Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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