OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I looked at my own cervix.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
