i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
