well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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