i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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