i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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