So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
