plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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