his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
