Whod you bang
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
