The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
