Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
