you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
