Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
