I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
