I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
