Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
