He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
