Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
