You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
