Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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