yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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