So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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