Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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