He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
