News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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