high people should be assigned attendants
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
