My friends, they love my intelligence
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
