Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
