I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
