haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
