wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
