You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
