My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
