never play flip cup with pint glasses
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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