Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
