i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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