You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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