I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
