Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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