You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
