At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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