TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
