just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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