I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
