# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
