My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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