She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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